[22nd] NEW JOURNAL lindyrichardson add it :]

[24th] It's been so long since i've updated! well I could give you the blow by blow of exactly what's gone down in my life but that's boring and tedius so here's what i'm gonna give you. My sister has gone back to college up at WSU and I miss her more than anything. I love Tyler Marley and I simply can not get enough of him! Since school is starting up again, I've been getting pretty bored during the day. Luckily Brittany Kramer is also homeschooled and I happen to love her an unreasonable amount. So I sit at home all day before work and talk to that little ball of sunshine. I have gotten INCREDIBLY good at closing and I almost always clock out at exactly 10 o clock (if you know what it's like to close at Burgerville you know that I'm freaking amazing). I'm gettin pretty dang good at what I do. I have this weekend off and I'm going to hang out with Xtian and Spencer for the first time ALL SUMMER (completely unacceptable I KNOW). Expect a big post about how much I love them and missed them and tons and tons of pictures! And now I will leave you with some pictures! ( 4 more ) oh and what's up with lindyfumedia?! haha i didn't know you guys cared so much! 97CMNT

[26th] Today was my no good very bad day. I just wrote a novel in detail about what happened today but halfway through it I realized that no one would read it or even care. So I saved myself the trouble. Basically, in a nutshell this is what happened today. I got 5 hours of sleep and burgerville called me in an hour early but my uniform was still in the wash so I had to wear my wet uniform to work. I was so frustrated about the situation that I started to cry. It became a big problem when I couldn't get myself to stop crying. Finally I get to work and I've calmed down when my meanest manager, Robin, tells me that we need to have a meeting. Great. So I sit down with her and two of my other managers and they tell me how awful I did at closing by myself for the first time. They start picking through each thing that wasn't done right or done fast enough or done at all. I was already upset so I couldn't keep myself from crying again. When I started crying Robin was singing to a different tune. "Don't cry, sweetheart!" she said as she sorted through papers on the table. "I just want to do a good job. I'm trying so hard." I managed to squeak out between my sobs. She approached the situation in the nicest way she could, which was still unpleasant. After she concluded our meeting I made my way behind the counter to start work. I rushed around all evening trying to get everything done so that I wouldn't disappoint my managers again. I failed, and they sent me home unfulfilled. Better luck tomorrow. Here's a little piece of writing that I put together a couple nights ago. I hope that it'll be a fun read: "smile, sweetheart. you're making me self conscious." Gavin said as he took my hand in his and kissed my cheek. I took a deep breath in and twisted my face into my best immitation of a smile. Every now and then I would make eye contact with Gavin, but I would keep it brief. I don't want him to see how empty my eyes are when I look at him. I don't want him to see that in the depths of my heart, there is no place for him. "I don't feel very well, I think I'd like to go home now." I said as I pushed my chair across the carpet and away from the table. "Aw, dear. What's the matter?" he said as he helped me from my chair and felt my forehead in desperate search of a fever or any clues to my illness. "Can we just go home, Gavin?...I don't think that I can stomach another second of the world." before I even finished Gavin was helping me into the car. We sat in silence nearly the whole trip home. I rested my head in my hands as I watched the trees pass. I lifted myself up in my seat and folded my arms. "I'm pretty tired. How about you, babe?" I asked as I turned and looked at Gavin. His eyes were wet with tears. I've never seen eyes so beautiful as they reflected the street lights. "No, Erika. I'm not tired." He took a deep breath and tried to gather himself. "what can I do for you to make you feel better?" Gavin asked as he pulled into the parking lot. "Don't worry about it, I'm probably just tired. Maybe I need some sleep." I opened my door and stepped out into the cold air. "That's not what I mean, Erika. Forget it. I'm sorry, you don't feel well and I'm just stressing you out." Gavin and I met at the door to our appartment. He rattled the keys while he tried to work the door unlocked. That thing has never been easy to open. I put my hands on his as I pushed in on the lock and turned the key. The door clicked open and I smiled at him. "You go get into bed and I'll get some more blankets from the closet." I could see his breath when he led me down the hall. I curled up in the bed and Gavin arrived with the extra blankets. He sat on the side of the bed and kissed my forehead. "I love you Erika." Gavin ran his fingers through my bangs, moving them away from my face. "I love you Gavin." I sighed as I rolled away from him. "You're not obligated to say it back, Erika." I turned back to him. "I don't love you, Gavin. I don't feel anything when you kiss me. I don't feel anyhting when you tell me how you feel. I don't feel anything for you at all. The only thing I feel when I'm around you is a horrible gut wrenching guilt because i can't return what you give me. Now tell me that you wouldn't rather hear me tell you that I love you, whether it be the truth or a complete lie." I sat up to look at Gavin. He was turned away from me but I could see his breath moving away from his face in small huffs. "Say something, Gavin. Please." I grabbed his arm and he turned around. His eyes met mine and for the first time I felt something. His blue eyes were dripping with love. It trailed down his face and around his mouth, stopping in the scruff that surrounded it. I pulled his face to mine and I kissed him. He pulled away from me and retreated to the door. "I'm feeling pretty tired, Erika." 73CMNT

[19th] i've reached the livejournal limit of 750 friends so if you don't comment i'll assume you don't read my journal and i'll delete you so that i can add someone else instead. my journal is friends-only which means i must add you in order for you to read my entries. so if you would like to be added to my friends, add me first. i will return the favor when i get a chance. have a good day.

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